Jayne Cox’s blog

 I really don’t want to exclude anyone but yes you are a fabulous woman and you’re over 40!

Being over 40 can be fantastic. It’s a time in your life when you’ve made enough mistakes to learn something, you’ve lived in your skin long enough to understand something about yourself and how you tick.  You’ve been peacemaker, problem solver and a shoulder to cry on for far too many names to mention and perhaps produced some wonderful kids OR not had your own but been an inspiration to someone else’s. That’s just the start of it and now it’s your turn!

I want to celebrate the wonder of being a woman.  I want to help women see their potential and how the years can make them not only beautiful but intelligent and feminine. From getting more body confident, managing weight and body issues to re discovering their femininity and letting go of the ‘age issues’, it’s only numbers after all.

I’ve slipped off my therapy hat and developed Coaching  for women just like you. It’s aimed at the woman who tells me she’s ready to give to herself now,  what’s to change direction in life and perhaps gained weight and lost confidence. Maybe the career has taken over your life and you’ve somehow mislaid ‘YOU’ on the way.  Pre and post Menopause can bring about feelings of the loss of femininity and sexuality, it doesn’t have to be this way and you can love your years by becoming the woman you were destined to be.

Do you want to discover how fantastic you can be?

Do you want to let go, stop dieting and start really living?

Do you want to love your years?

What can you do to kick start the new you:

Give your wardrobe a once over –include a trusted friend maybe

Start a new make up bag – throw out the black eye liner!

Make new friends

Find a hobby

Learn to dance

Stop dieting

Get a full length mirror –stops you cutting yourself off at the neck or waist – women’s trouble spots

Change your hair style or colour

Get into nature, a good walk is great for the mind and the body

Write a book

Ditch the magazines that are crammed full of airbrushed images and get practical poultry or country life instead

Get some hens for your garden to go with your magazine – perhaps some ex bats from BHWT to give something back and keep you outdoors and fit!

Turn the breakfast and daytime TV off and get on the move

Try a new radio station

If nothing else I hope this makes you think about how you feel about your age and your outlook. If you think numbers and your heart sinks, it doesn’t have to be this way.

All the best for a lovely autumnal day

More and more women are contacting me in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, seemingly caught in chaos. Generally the initial contact is for some kind of recognized pattern of disordered eating and they want to experience my therapy and/or coaching services . After a brief chat we soon come to realize that it’s not just their eating that is disordered but their lives.

Common issues include:

No balance of work and home life – over working, emails 24/7 without boundaries!

No children and no time – children have left home Or they are child free and shouldn’t they be superwoman?

Cluttered thinking and living – home is a battle ground of untidiness and all or nothing thinking ensues

Mid life - £’s spent on quick fixes as ageing is bad, right?

Families - love them BUT!

Relationships – can’t live with them and can’t live without them

Any of these sound familiar I wonder?

The good news is you can regain control over your life and the experience can be fantastic. Yes you may feel unsure or even frightened at the concept of change BUT it’s all possible. Interestingly clients tend to seek support when they’ve had quite a journey through life already and undertaken many self-help directions, books, seminars and motivational CD’s, to name but a few. Then all of a sudden the idea of sitting with someone who’ll be there with them, supporting them and motivating them to get all they can from life seems to appeal. Dealing with disordered eating once and for all and throwing the diet books, of the past, in the recycling!

Wishing you happy days

So now’s the time to look to change, you deserve the best days of your life to be just that!

I saw a quote from Richard Branson today, it's inspired my first post in ages, so I hope it's just what you needed.

 Have faith in yourself; Believe that anything can be done; Live life to the full; Never give up. Learn these and other simple truths, and I hope you will be inspired to get the most out of your life and to achieve your goals. People will always try to talk you out of ideas and say: 'It can't be done,' but if you have faith in yourself you'll find you can achieve almost anything.

Go for it!

If you’ve found this post and you’re about to google for help with weight loss OR have already trawled the internet and found yourself here, I really want to give you a new way of thinking about losing weight and keeping it off! Offering an alternative route to take.

Weight loss is a huge business and for as long as I can remember the diet industry assumes that we don’t know how, what and when to eat and need someone to decide all of this for us. We need to abandon ourselves to a plan, hand control over to another human being and restrict ourselves for life.  The message seems to be that we can’t be trusted with feeding ourselves. We even need someone to provide our food for us because we’re just not capable of preparing our food. Can this be the way forward?
I don’t believe it is and in my personal and professional experience I have seen how education and the understanding of  ‘you’ and your thoughts and behaviour and how ‘you use food’ can really provide the change you’re looking for.
So before you sign up to yet another diet, no doubt on offer in January, think about how many diets you’ve already tried, how wonderful it all seemed at the beginning and how enthusiastic you were at first. Does this sound familiar?

What goes wrong ?

◊    You get bored
◊    You lose will power
◊    You feel deprived
◊    You can’t find time to make different meals from the family
◊    You find the convenience meals dull!
◊    You’re hungry
◊    You get triggered and eat!

The truth is that you’re not actually changing how you think, view yourself and your relationship with food. If you don’t change, the chances are you’ll be a dieter for life. Losing weight and regaining all you lost plus a bit more. You keep your weight controlled by ‘being on a diet’, now is that how you want to live?
What you can do now!

◊    Decide you want to change
◊    Speak to someone about how you feel and stop swallowing down your feelings
◊    Remember it’s not about food, it’s about feelings
◊    Imagine yourself being fitter and what you’ll do!
◊    Start a journal, tell yourself it’s time for change
◊    Stop dieting once and for all

You can speak to a professional to find help and support with your choice to change for life. Life’s for living, what have you got to lose!

We’re creatures of habit and with the up and coming festivities I’ve got a slightly alternative take on the big day and holiday period.

The media frenzy of making Christmas a gastronomic delight and on the flip side getting slim in 7 days will be well underway shortly, please forgive me if it’s already in full swing I don’t keep up with the ‘bad news’ papers. Anyway my suggestion is why focus on this and who needs new years resolutions? Why not decide that this holiday you’ll take some good habits developed over the period, into 2009!

Something really good happens over the holidays, in many homes everyone sits down to eat together AND I bet more breakfasts, lunches and dinners, as a family, are consumed and that’s great news! Christmas time often involves planning and organization and if you only do this once a year I guess it’s going to be stressful but what if you get used to planning all your meals, everyday? Your shopping is easier, you’ll buy less impulse purchases (great money saving) and you’ll not be tempted to over indulge if it’s not piled high in the cupboard. It’s a win win!

So habit one is planning.

Hands up if you’re a yo yo dieter or simply an irregular or all or nothing eater then you can start the festive period as you mean to go on. Ok the food may be richer this time of year and we may all consume more than usual but the basic idea of regular eating patterns and family dining is a good one. If you eat breakfast at Christmas time, keep it up, you’re more likely to manage your weight, you’ll have more energy and you’ll perform far better. If you find yourself moody, this is also going to improve!

Habit two, eat breakfast and keep it up!

Pop out around 3.30 on Christmas day and you’ll see families out walking lunch off, so why not walk all year? If the gym membership is posing a financial burden OR you’ve paid for a year and can’t remember when you last went, how about a safe, cheap and easy form of regular activity ‘walking’, to keep your mind, body and spirits in tip top condition. You start the moment you leave the house so it’s an efficient use of time. Go on, give yourself the time for a walk every day and feel the benefits!

Habit three, keep walking!

If you have children you’ll perhaps be fully aware, or maybe not, that you’re being watched, you’re helping your children develop their habits. So if you skip breakfast for a coffee then that’s the behaviour they’ll take into their adult hood and hey presto perhaps yet another generation of dieters or irregular eaters. How many parents tell the kids to eat their meals, don’t skip lunch etc? It’s simple, our actions speak far louder than words and develop good habits in our children!

So the final habit is practice what you preach.

Have a wonderful holiday, enjoy those new habits and take something positive into 2009!

If I had a penny, yes just 1p for every young person I speak to who tells me they aren’t bright, clever, pretty or nice enough I’d be a very rich woman. It makes my heart weep to hear these beliefs from anyone, particularly the young. So I want to help and if you’re reading this and feel at a low ebb, you know that black hole, then perhaps this will hit a cord and if you’re happy, filled with sunshine and warmth, well you’ll perhaps move on or read this with a friend or loved one in mind.
The first thing to do is look at yourself, go on really analyse yourself for a few minutes and perhaps grab the nearest scrap of paper and a pen.

Question: When did you last hear anything remotely good about yourself?

If you reel off a list of great moments then you’re pretty aware of your environment and you’re providing yourself with some great mood stabilizers, that’s fantastic. If you can’t remember much good and maybe it’s easy to remember the rotten moments and comments easily, well you’re going to feel pretty awful and stuck in negative thoughts about yourself.

What to do then?

Well here’s a simple thought for a chilly morning. Re-tune your day from today. List all the good things that happen to you, all the nice comments you hear. It may be a little difficult at first but this exercise is to raise your self esteem, make you walk upright and really listen out for what’s good about you.

If you aren’t really socializing at the moment perhaps find ways to have some positive communication with someone. Go on, maybe just a hello to the corner shop keeper or someone walking their dog.

Finally the whole point of the exercise is to stick to it, so write your observations daily. When you hear enough good about yourself the next step is to start your own ‘self talk’.

Give it a go...

I am a kind person...Remember the occasion you were told
I am beautiful...Remember being told
I am bright, gentle, a good friend, reliable, intuitive, responsible, dependable and so on...

Are you good enough?

YES!

7 weeks car-less and here's the little Fiat 500 Sport on his first day, well worth the wait and certainly something I've been 'wanting' and happy to be patient about. Handles like a dream, finish is excellent and I love to drive him. He only gets used when I need to make a journey ,most of the time, managed ok without a car so that was a useful exercise and I've learnt from it.

The 'voice activation' is quite funny, is that the term, anyway 'she' can't seem to understand me unless I speak with a deep voice. It takes me several attempts and I can't imagine what the other drivers think when they see me, must be very amusing!

So welcome Craig Cha Cha Cha Darling (any guesses who he might be named after)

Craig Cha Cha Cha Darling!

We've all known struggles at some time in our lives, times when we feel like we're staring up to the summit and it's too tough to even start the climb. When we feel like this it's easy to become low and give up. It's ok wanting but how do we keep it up?

My last post was all about creating what you 'Want' and this follows on, encouraging you to make a daily promise to yourself that you're going to achieve something, anything to show the commitment to the 'Want'. I often say to clients that it's no use waiting for the bus to pass your front door, you have to go to the bus stop. So sitting at home, in the office, uni or college, waiting, simply doesn't bring you what you really want. We need to be actively attracting what we want.

So, if we want good health

Attract it by your actions, think positively about your health, perhaps walk a little more, love what your health gives you now.

If we want success

Who knows what you offer right now, who knows your strengths and how good you are?  Get out there and tell the world what you have to offer, why wait? Oh and practice a daily reminder of how good you are!

If we want a loving relationship

What do you deserve, really deserve? If you want a good man or woman then really let yourself know. How often do you settle for second best, that will do and lower your sights. How often do you just want to be with someone at the expense of that special relationship? If you really want it, focus on that and remember you can easily dilute this with the 'that'll do' attitude. Also remember that friendship helps relationships last!

Want to be happy, want to meet people?

Everyday someone has the opportunity to smile at another human being, hold a door, strike up a conversation but do we? Want to meet people, get out there!

Sorry a bit late but worth waiting for :-)

This is a massive subject, one close to my heart and it all started 18 months ago on my coaching training course. I was handed a disc and told to watch and I'd understand. I was also told it was being given to me because I was special. All very cryptic and slightly odd, I thought. Well the 'film' made a huge impact and I started to explore the laws of attraction. I felt as if I'd been hit between the eyes and all was beginning to make some sense. I grew just a little more that day and the growth has continued with fabulous results.

Just to wet your appetite, focus on something you want. Think about it, look at images of it or visualize it. Keep it in mind and...WANT IT!

See what happens...

More to come :-)

Have a great day

Jayne